Exploring Stuck Points and How to Move Through Them

Ever been just minutes from home when you hit a sudden traffic jam that might keep you there for hours? That’s what stuck points feel like for many people—so close to where they want to be but unable to move forward. Let’s talk about this and explore ways to break through to growth. 

The concept of stuck points has been coming up a lot in my life and work, and I've noticed that different terms capture unique perspectives on beliefs that hold us back. Here’s a breakdown of these terms:

• Stuck Points: Rigid beliefs that keep us from moving forward.

• Core Beliefs: Deep-seated ideas, often formed in childhood, that shape our views of ourselves, others, and the world.

• Cognitive Distortions: Beliefs that might not be true but feel real, often keeping us in old patterns.

• Maladaptive Beliefs: Thoughts that not only fail to serve us but may also harm us or our relationships.

• Schemas: Mental frameworks based on past experiences, like fearing dogs after a bad encounter in childhood. These schemas create broad beliefs from limited information.

• Biases: Unconscious beliefs that surface, often unexpectedly, in moments of conflict.

Hopefully, this provides some context for thinking about your own “stuck points.” These are thoughts that no longer serve you and may even be causing harm. Often, they create conflict in daily interactions or affect how you engage with your community.

To better understand a stuck point, try remembering your A-B-Cs:

1. A (Activating Event): Something happens that triggers a negative feeling.

2. B (Belief): Explore the story or belief behind why you feel this way.

3. C (Consequence): Notice your reaction.

   
   

The goal is to use this as a reflection to pause, apply grounding tools, and shift from an automatic reaction to a more intentional response. Here are some examples of how stuck points can show up.

Stuck Points in Parenting

Stuck points often appear during conflict, whether with others or within yourself. Many people focus only on the stuck point itself rather than exploring the bigger, underlying issue. But what if we could unpack these points of contention? Could that lead to real change?

In a recent group discussion, we explored how, as parents, we often want to protect our children from painful experiences we remember. We aim to parent differently, perhaps to improve on what we perceived as weaknesses in our own upbringing. But how often do we create new challenges by reacting from our own stuck points rather than letting our instincts guide us?

Example:Imagine my core belief is that grownups don’t want to interact with their kids, leading to painful memories of feeling ignored as a child. Now, this belief may be prompting me to hover over my own child, trying to prevent them from being hurt in the ways I once was. But in doing so, am I depriving them of chances to build resilience and learn self-reliance? Breaking it down, it might look like this:

• A (Activating Event): My child wants to play independently.

• B (Belief): "Bad things happen to kids when they’re alone" (Stuck Point).

• C (Reaction): I constantly hover, trying to prevent harm.

  
  

By always being there, I might protect my child from small injuries, but at the cost of limiting their development of physical awareness and self-management skills. My “protection” could be depriving them of learning to take healthy risks, ask for help, or even develop a sense of independence. Without experiencing safe failures, they might end up doubting their own resilience.

Stuck Points in Connection to Community

Stuck points aren’t limited to parenting—they can also affect our relationships and sense of community. A helpful reflection might be: does a fear of connection or intimacy really serve your community? Applying the same framework can help identify areas where stuck points are holding you back from meaningful connections.

Example in Adult Friendships:

• A (Activating Event): A friend doesn’t respond quickly to an invitation to get coffee.

• B (Belief/Stuck Point): "If they don’t respond right away, they don’t really want to connect, and I’m bothering them."

• C (Reaction): I withdraw, deciding not to reach out again.

  
  

This reaction may reinforce feelings of isolation, even if the truth is that the friend was simply busy or dealing with their own challenges. By assuming the worst, I close off the chance for connection, potentially missing out on a meaningful relationship.

Moving Forward: Reflect, Reframe, and Reconnect

How can we begin to reflect on our beliefs, examine the evidence, and gently say “no thank you” to the stuck point? It starts with questioning our core beliefs and reframing them to make room for other perspectives. For instance, rather than assuming disinterest from a friend, we might consider that they’re busy or preoccupied, which opens space for understanding rather than shutting down the opportunity.

In both parenting and relationships, learning to identify and challenge stuck points can open doors to resilience, growth, and richer connections. By examining and reframing our beliefs, we allow ourselves—and others—to move forward with more trust, understanding, and self-compassion…even when we disagree. This helps us engage with our communities with curiosity rather than criticism.

Personally, I’ve found that approaching these situations with curiosity feels far safer and more empowering than staying stuck. When others respond with curiosity and openness, it also invites me to sit with my own discomfort and engage more openly, fostering a space for mutual understanding and growth even in difference.

Be Well.

Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC