Fear vs. Anxiety: How to Recognize the Difference and Move Through It

Knock, Knock

"Knock, knock," says a voice.

"Who's there?" I respond.

"Boo," says a nervous voice.

"Boo who?" I ask.

"Anxiety, not fear..." they reply.

Do you know the difference?

We often blur the line between anxiety and fear. Simplifying terms can help communication, but sometimes it waters down important distinctions. So how do we tell them apart?

Understanding the Difference

The DSM-5 defines them as follows:

Fear: An emotional response to a real or perceived imminent threat, often triggering a "fight-or-flight" reaction, like a racing heart, sweating, or heightened alertness. Example: You're near a busy street with your child. A car suddenly zooms past, and your immediate instinct is to pull them back.
Anxiety: The anticipation of a future threat, marked by tension, worry, or unease about what might happen.
Example: Your three-year-old is in a defiant stage, and you're already bracing yourself for a power struggle at the next public gathering.

Why the Confusion?

Our bodies process fear and anxiety similarly because they both trigger cortisol, the "fight-or-flight" hormone. The nervous system doesn’t distinguish between real and perceived threats — it simply reacts, leaving you to manage symptoms like tight muscles, an upset stomach, shortness of breath, tunnel vision, and a racing heart.

If the nervous system becomes overwhelmed, it may trigger a freeze response instead of fight or flight. This happens when the brain turns off to conserve energy. Even those more prone to fight or flight can experience this, often much later — leaving them physically drained without knowing why.

Have you ever felt like you were getting sick weeks after a big transition [new job or big celebration]? Your body is finally processing the 'excitement' or anxiety it endured.

Survival vs. Limitation

In most fear responses, your body does exactly what it needs to do to survive, even if the outcome isn't perfect. Anxiety, on the other hand, can become limiting and exhausting, making you feel out of control, at the end of your rope, or like you're endlessly treading water.

So, what now?

As Robert Frost said, “The only way out is through.”

Once you recognize the difference between fear and anxiety, managing the latter becomes about finding practical, everyday tools.

In-the-Moment Tools for Anxiety

Breathe: Anxiety speeds up your nervous system and alters your breathing. Slowing your breath helps reset your body. Try inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7, and exhaling for 8.
Grounding (5-4-3-2-1): Focus on your five senses. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. It gives your brain an active pause.
Cold Exposure: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice pack on your neck. Science shows cold exposure slows your heart rate and eases anxious feelings. If splashing water isn't practical, taking a cool drink works wonders too.

Longer-Term Goal: Intentional Exposure with Rewards

If your anxiety isn’t spontaneous but tied to specific situations, try pairing exposure with a reward:

Listen to a good audiobook or favorite podcast that you only engage with during this recurring stressor.
Call a friend who always makes you laugh.
Do these activities during or right after your anxiety-inducing task.

I understand that reward systems can be a bit controversial these days and tricky to navigate. However, there’s solid science behind how the brain learns to tolerate uncomfortable feelings when we engage its reward center. When dopamine is released, it helps balance the cortisol spikes that come with anxiety.

The goal isn't to rely on rewards forever but to build enough comfort and tolerance so you can eventually face the stressor without needing a reward as a bandage. The key is to be intentional with how you use rewards—letting them support growth, not become a crutch.

Remember—anxiety and fear are inevitable and uncontrollable. What you can control is how you move through them. Whether it's breathing techniques, grounding exercises, or intentional exposure with thoughtful rewards, small steps can create big shifts. And sometimes, just naming the elephant in the room is all it takes to turn it into a mouse.